CHINESE FOOD: Narrative Text

I had suspected it before. I had noticed that, after eating a few lumpias, my eyes began to look elongated. However, I never paid much attention to the matter because, in the worst of possible situations, it might be a symptom of an insignificant allergy to shrimps or the ham contained in lumpias. What can I say? I have always being prone to allergies. Hilarus

But no! This time it was different. And even though I had noticed before some secondary effects, after eating Chinese food, something like this had never occurred to me.

In one occasion, after a family dinner at a Chinese restaurant, I noticed an unusual agility in my arms and legs. However, I did not want to boast about it. Besides, it would not be proper to make a triple back flip from the dinning table to the floor.

But when we returned home from the Chinese restaurant, I went right to my bedroom, closed the door and started to try my new abilities. I felt like Spiderman or, even better, like Karate Kid! I threw about five fast kicks. I even became surprised when I realized that all my punches hit the target: my pillow. I was like that Chinese actor… Li? Lee? Sorry, I never remember his name.

Anyway, the fact is that Chinese food awakes the Shaolin Master that rests inside me.

I do not know if this phenomenon happens to other people. It would be very interesting to see another kid that, after eating some tallarines, develops martial arts abilities. But I do not think so. In fact, I would like to think that this is my own talent, my gift… There are people who sing, those who dance, people who cook… I do not know how to do such things! I eat Chinese food and get transformed into a Shaolin Master! It is a wonderful thing. Actually, I love the idea!

Well… I loved it.

One night, I could not wait any longer and wanted to see how far this experiment would go. So, I ate all the Chinese leftovers I found in my refrigerator ─What can I say? My parents always like to buy Chinese food─ and you will not believe what happened to me.

I woke up looking like a Chinese. Long eyes, black braid, even my pajama changed… I was wearing the classic Chinese outfit...a loose black pant and a closed red shirt with a row of golden buttons.

This time I got really scared… What if my parents do not recognize me and send me to China? And what about my school, my friends…? I felt like the Wolf Man or Dracula five minutes before dawn.

So, I went to the kitchen. I was very worried because the effect never had lasted so long. Of course, I had abused. I had eaten too much Chinese food.

However, I had an idea: if the Chinese food transformed me into a Shaolin Master, there should be an antidote in the refrigerator that would give me back my normal form.

So I opened the refrigerator and saw some burritos my mom had prepared for Saturday’s lunch. I put them in the microwave, trying not to add soy sauce to them, and heated them up.

Then I proceeded to eat them rapidly. I must have eaten about ten burritos…

I must say that I got really scared when I realized that my hair began to get curly and saw a mustache growing on my face …

─Híjole Güey, ¿qué me está pasando?─ *1

*1 Dude, what is happening to me? In Spanish (Mexican style)